Advent Day Fifteen | HOPE(less)

Advent Day Fifteen | HOPE(less) | Matthew 11:3

Are you the one?

Where were you? Where are you? Why?

Questions of grief, deep lament, sound a lot like hope sometimes. And, hope sometimes feels a lot like grief.

In May, in the midst of despair, I wrote this:

I haven’t really been able to pray since what happened. I’ve wondered if I can’t pray because I’m angry and that’s how I’m taking it out on God or if I’m in disbelief that there is anyone there listening to me. But, even when I’m sitting in this place of anger and disbelief, I can’t help but know that there is only one choice for me - to believe in a God that is with us in our suffering and is loving us through our pain (and even our anger).  I don’t know if what I have right now could even be called faith. Instead, I choose. I choose to believe. This doesn’t make it easier. It makes it more difficult. It does not bring me much comfort right now and it does not offer answers. But, it gives me company in my struggle and my grief. And, maybe that is comforting. I just don’t know how to be in this world without this God.

Despair. Grief. Hope.

Are you the one? Or should we wait for another?

Because we hope. We lament, because we hope. 

_______________________

Image is "Two Laments," by Polish artist Monika Weiss